If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
