kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
