How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize