I want to make a zoo with you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
