you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
