Me too!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
