I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think your dad took our porno
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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