My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
