so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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