just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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