please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You pole danced in your parka.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
