the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
