We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
