Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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