ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
