I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
