Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?

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(913): View more from Kansas

So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.

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(208): View more from Idaho

i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.

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(718): View more from New York

ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE

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(303): View more from Colorado

Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.

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(512): View more from Texas

I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.

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