my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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