Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
