guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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