if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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