i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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