Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
