you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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