Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
