If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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