we should wear snuggies to the strip club
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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