So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
