dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
