I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
