You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
