Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
