I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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