I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
