got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
