I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize