I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
