After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
