He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
whose parrot is this?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
