hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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