I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
