the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
