Having a random hookup so left but love u
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
