Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
