I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
