They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I deserve this hangover.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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