Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
