She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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