So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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