talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize