The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
