Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He passed out mid-signature
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
