When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
