I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
