after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Your penis caused this!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
