i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
