Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My penis needs a shock collar
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
