I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
