I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
