im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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