My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
