I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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