i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
