If that was your dad, he is hot
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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