So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
