I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
