he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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