He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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