I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
