this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
