so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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