never play flip cup with pint glasses
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
