Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
