Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize