The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
