Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
