About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
