Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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