Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
