Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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