I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
