yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize