Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
