Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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