woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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