my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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