thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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