So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
