Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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