we have officially lost it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
