Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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