My liver just broke up with me...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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