I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize