Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
