Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
