He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
