Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
