he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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