how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
