when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
